I take that deep breath in. I can smell the clean salt air and feel the humidity on my skin? I can hear the waves crashing on the shore and seagulls calling above my head? I hold my breath, then exhale. The sun is hitting my face as it crests above the horizon. It is warm and I know it will get easier each time I wake up and run.
My feet hit the wet sand and I walk, head held up, swinging my arms to propel myself forward. Today is my long run/walk. Everytime I walk fast and swing my arms, I think of my mom and Aunt Peggy walking the track. They looked like chickens, butts out and arms bent flying 90 miles an hour; I can’t help but smile.
I can feel my leg muscles stretching out and think this may be a good run. I think of my walking pace versus my running pace. I feel they are about the same. I watch runners go past me. They look so light on their feet, like they are bouncing on a cloud. Me, I feel like my feet are in mud. My legs are heavy and I do not feel light.
This is where I have to focus on ME. Not them. I can not go down the trail of comparison. This is my journey.
I think back to what Lesley said about running shoes versus workout shoes. Maybe that’s the problem. Do I really want to spend money on something I really do not like doing? MMM? I will keep my current shoes. I do love walking outside and on the beach, but running, not so much.
I timed my walk pace and my run pace. They are not the same, it was a difference of 4 minutes. Is this time worth it? I could walk and enjoy the time to take in all of beauty around me. This is where I feel God’s presence. The couple having coffee and watching the sun rise. The dad running across the sand to grab a balloon his daughter lost. This is also where my competitive mindset comes in against myself. I try to improve each time I run or walk when I am in these challenges or trainings.
Today I set objects ahead of me to get to before I stopped running. My legs have finally warmed up and I feel a little bouncier, but still can not relax when running.
As I begin to think of quitting, no one will know, the last part of the run my morning devotional comes back to me. Paul was writing to Timothy about not being afraid or fearful. I know the same faith that was and is in my Granny and Mom is in me. God has given me a spirit of POWER, LOVE & SELF DISCIPLINE. I have to fan the flames of the spiritual gift God gave me. 2 Timothy 1: 5-7
I forget how heavy my legs feel. I lose myself in the worship music, Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) Hillsong UNITED.
“take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger…..Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me take me deeper than my feet could ever wander……I will call upon your Name, Keep my eyes above the waves my soul will rest in Your embrace I am yours and You are mine.”
God is with me with each step I take. I keep my head up, looking forward, eyes on Him. I keep running (walking really fast) in the direction of what I am called to do. Each day I am stronger and healthier. It may not always be pretty, but it is better than yesterday.