Reflecting
This past week I have been reflecting and moving on in life out of what I feel has been a difficult season. I try not to show or share with others my emotions when it comes to feeling sad. I fight back the urge of feeling that this is a sign of weakness. During this week of reflecting I had a much needed lunch date with one of my fellow health coaches. We caught up and talked about all that has been going on in our lives. This lunch was the closure I needed to move on in accepting how I feel inside. We are all in the ups and downs of life, including weight loss.
During Ike, I sat at Granny’s table with Mom, while Granny was resting in her bed. Sitting there with mom all I could do was cry. Scared for my husband who had to work the hurricane, sad for my Granny who was in pain and in her last days, unsure of the future and knowing I am not in control. Mom told me it is healthy to have a good cry, get it out of your system and move on.
I moved on. Moved on into rebuilding our life, staying busy not allowing sadness to creep in. Focusing on kids, work, and life. The problem with this my friends when you finally stop because you don’t have your kids to take care of, and the busy work of life is gone, all you are left with is yourself. You are left in house that is too big for you. You are left with the memories of the laughter, the fights, the tears and all of those moments of life.
Seasons
So, this takes me to this past week as I was walking the dogs and looking up at the beautiful skies and poor palm trees. This winter the “ice storm” in Texas took out most of our tropical palms trees. Looking around the island I wondered how some palms trees withstood the storm, while others did not. This brought me to thinking about how time moves on. Life changes. We are all in our own season of life.
Our beautiful 20 plus year old palm trees where done. They had given us a backdrop, a frame from our front porch looking out over the bay for many years. They had served their season if life.
During the last 6 months with Mom’s illness, passing, and my grief process I needed to be still, quiet and process life. Those who know me being still and quiet is so hard for me. When I am in the valley of life I am beginning to see and understand more how my mind works. I am learning to love my self in all seasons of life. I am using the lessons from the mountain top while I wait quietly in the valley.
Finding balance
I was scared to go the doctor because in my mind I had not been sticking to my program like I had in the past. I did what I could during this time. I was ecstatic when I got my lab work back. My lab work is still improving. Still not pre diabetic and my cholesterol panel is so close to being normal.
This season of my life when I was in doubt, afraid, sad, angry and wanted control that I could not find, I turned towards what I knew had held my Granny, my Mom and Me together when we couldn’t, God. “The LORD is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him.” Nahum 1:7.
Following the FASTer Way to the best that I could, keeping my eyes and thoughts fixed on Jesus and learning how to process feelings into a positive mindset is bringing balance into my life.
Life is still moving. I am still working. God is still with me.
My health is my journey.
My journey is my story.
My story is still being written.