A friend posted a pic of the most challenging part of motherhood is when your kids grow up. I couldn’t agree more until the time comes when the kid takes over the parent’s role. When you watch the once strong and I can do anything I set my mind to, slowly slip away, is heartbreaking.
The slow rumble of the engine interrupted the cool morning air, my thoughts and peaceful time with God today. I could hear the gravel under the tires. It was quiet and methodical, with each ping and clunk of the rocks hitting the truck’s underside.
My thoughts went back to all the log trucks, oil trucks and cars that flew down our red dirt road. That sound always sent us scrambling into the ditches out of the way as we played carefree and full of joy on the red dirt road.
This loud interruption of my daily walk and soaking in the crisp morning air was not a log truck but a small side by side. I watched as it went slowly into the drive of the campsite across from Granny’s. (Actually, my Aunt’s, but always Granny’s).
I then watched it slowly and quite sharply veer towards the mailboxes on our side of the road. I smiled as I saw the driver was a young child with his Grandpa beside him. I chuckled and thought to myself, keep it between the ditches; the ditches are steep down the hill.
I watched the kid and grandpa drive away, thinking this experience will stick with him as he grows up. We can not control time or aging, just as we can not control the wind and the waves, but we can control how we live out each day.
I continue to pray, walk and enjoy my coffee, squishing down the fear; yes it creeps up. I am human. I can not help but look up as the winds and leaves begin to pick and swirl magically through the air around the trees as they float off into the unknown. There usually are no wind gusts, only slow whispering winds at the tops of the trees. I watch the colorful red, yellow, brown, and orange leaves dance across the sky and fall to their next purpose of life.
Will they be raked up into a pile for a child to jump into? Will they turn into someone’s chore and grumble? Will they carpet the forest floors to give nutrients for subsequent spring growth? Will they become the shelters for all the creepy crawlies underfoot?
Like the leaves that are blown by the wind, and they have no direction of where they will be landing, neither do we when it comes to controlling God’s plan for our life, our child’s life, or our aging parent’s life.
What I can control is how I will respond, wait and live. I turn to God’s word and pour into the promise of God’s love. When I don’t know what to pray or get lost in the thoughts that may creep up to bring fear of the unknown, I turn to God. I thank God for my Granny and mom, who raised us loving and knowing God. Our faith and love for God created the foundation to age without fear and gracefully, knowing God’s love for me.
Romans 8, the entire chapter is uplifting. Today I focused on Romans 8: 26-28 . (26)In the same way the Spirit also comes to help us, weak as we are. For we do not know how we ought to pray; the Spirit himself pleads with God for us in groans that words cannot express. (27)And God, who sees into our hearts, knows what the thought of the Spirit is; because the Spirit pleads with God on behalf of his people and in accordance with his will. (28) We know that in all things God works for good with those who love him, those whom he has called according to his purpose.
I wait for direction for the next chapter of my life, knowing God has a direction and a purpose for me. At this point in my life, I am unsure of the many choices I am given. I do not like change, but here I am, starting over or starting something new and exciting. I have nursing, writing, school – I didn’t see that one, and coaching; I can not wait to see where I go. I wait, staying in praise and thanksgiving to battle the fear so that I can remain in faith. Having my faith is how I remain steadfast in joy and peace, even when I feel out of control, dancing like the leaves adrift in the air, not knowing where I will land. I know it will be His purpose, not mine, and it will be good.
